by Paul
Jun 30, 2008 10:48
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This wasn't a solicitation for a card I didn't have, but a new "version" of a card I already possessed.
Normally this is to be expected every so often. What struck me as odd however, was the fact that when I looked at the information on the card, it looked identical to what I had already.
I whipped out (that's right!)... my old credit card. Sorry ladies. I checked it out... and sure enough, every bit of information on it was exactly the same; right down to the expiration date (isn't that why I'm supposed to get a new card?).
Oh wait I left something out. My existing card is friggin' cool and all black. Plus it has my initials "PS" in a big ass monogram across the background.
The new card is AN AMERICAN FLAG!!! Hang on...
AN AMERICAN FLAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Needless to say I called the "activation" phone number to discuss my displeasure. What follows is exactly the way I remember the conversation... which I'm pretty sure makes it admissible in court. I may or may not have changed the kind of credit card to protect my identity from theft and/or to amuse myself.
DiscoverCardKid: Thanks for calling Discover Card. For security purposes may I have the last 4 digits of your social security number?
Paul: Oh you mean the one I just punched into your automated system?
DiCK: Yes.
Paul: Why does it ask me to punch it in if you're just going to ask me for it? Can't you just read it off your screen?
DiCK: Um, ok. Can I have the full name of the card holder?
Paul: Absolutely. Paul Sobel. But I'd prefer if you called me by my Christian name, "Skittles."
DiCK: Ok Skittles. What can I do for you today?
Paul: Well basically I got a new card in the mail from you guys today, and I want to know if i can throw it directly in my trash.
DiCK: Ok well... we'd prefer if you didn't.
Paul: I'll bet. Anyway, it's the exact same card as I had previously, except you know... it's a big ass flag.
DiCK: Oh so you like the old card better?
Paul: Shit yeah son. Do you realize my old card is awesome, all black, and has my initials as a monogram across the background?
DiCK: Yes, I see that card here.
Paul: Great. See, nobody is PS except me (and other people who are PS). But this new card has a big ass American flag on it. Do you know how many people are American? Exactly. All of them.
DiCK: Well Paul...
Paul: Skittles.
DiCK: Sorry, Skittles. We send out new cards periodically to account for wear and tear. If you would like, I can send you a new card with your previous appearance. How is that?
Paul: That would be great. Because think about it... what if I don't even like America?
Editor's note: It was at this point I believe I may have forced him to deviate from his script.
DiCK: Um... you... don't like America?
Paul: What? How dare you. I love this country. But have you watched the news lately? We're not exactly popular. I don't want to whip this card out in Europe and get shot on general principle.
DiCK: Right.... right. Ok Skittles. I have you all set up, and we'll be sending that card out for you. You should receive it in two to three business days. Is there anything else I can do for you today?
Paul: Super duper. I think you've done plenty. Have a great day!
So with that being said... I accomplished my mission of... things. I think I'll pause now for you to applaud my efforts and tenacity.
And..... GO! |
Oh by the way... Three business days later I got my new card in the mail. It had the American flag on it. Good night! |