by Paul
Nov 29, 2005 10:17
Know that I'm right all the time. I can't really help it. By the way, IRL means uh... it's that show on MTV I think with the fruit cake who isn't the fruit cake on the show on Fox about music. Anyway...
Once in a while, I fully intend to be right, but my brain just stops communicating with my mouth. What happens is that I say something that might not be 100% accurate, because I'm thinking about eating cake or something.
Now I know what some of you are thinking, and that is to quote Michael Kelso's "BURN!!!" Probably, but to quote Captain Tenneal from mXc: "Well... you're wrong!" Silly rabbit. Of course I'm prepared for events like this, since I'm great at life. I'm in a generous mood today, so I'll explain to everyone what to do.
With one magic word I am able to circumvent any totally unnecessary confrontation that will no doubt start with the person I'm conversing with saying "Hey wait a minute, you're wrong!" or something similar. Anybody else, assuming they knew my incredible secret, might be able to explain how it works, but certainly not why.
All you have to say, is "Probably." That's it. Then you just keep on talking.
I'll pause while you thinking in a really angry voice, "Dude... that will NOT work."
Well... you're wrong.
Probably works because technically I admitted that you were right. However, I didn't come right out and say that. If done correctly, I fire off "Probably." and follow up with "...but the point is..." Now, if you're the jerk who tried to correct me, and you interupt again, you're an asshole. Probably, is a word that generally means there's more than a 50% chance. That means I gave you an almost 100% admission of guilt! What the fuck do you want from me? I already (kinda) said you were right (sorta)! Jesus I can't believe you're still dwelling on this. I'm trying to make a point here and you're getting all wrapped up in this one miniscule detail. If you choose to accept my "Probably." and not say anything, then you're still hosed because nobody is going to notice I was ever wrong to begin with, and evil wins again.
The key to this tactic, is you can't say "maybe." Maybe is just asking for an argument. You have to give your critic a bit more credit. Certainly you can't say "Of course." If you give them a flat out affirmation, you have lost all your credibility, because you just readily admitted you have no idea what you're talking about. That's why you give them the "Probably."Of course, if you're asking me if I know what I'm talking about, the answer is: absofuckinglutely.