by Paul
Aug 23, 2005 10:04
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mashing down only the aisles containing products I need of course. I had to get some shampoo generico, and in the process I pass the tooth brushes. Now, I'm a man who is the best tooth brusher in the entire universe, and the last time I checked, a few alternate universes as well. Including the universe where everyone has perfect teeth. I'm still the best. I have had 0, count them 1, 2, 0 cavities in my entire life.
I don't even use an electric tooth brush either. My shit is all manual. The last time I bought tooth brushes was at the Costco. I got like a 50 pack (their smallest) of the super ultra tooth brushes. You know what I'm talking about?
My shit has everything. The bristles that change color so you know when you need a new brush (3 days). The bristles on the end that are longer to get behind your back teeth. I have the bristles that cross back and forth to get between your teeth.
I've got the angled head.
My angled head flexes.
I've even got the fucking rubber curb-feelers on the side that massage your gums, balance your checkbook, and wipe your ass.
My toothbrush has it all!
No, no it doesn't. I'm watching TV, and i see the Oral-B Pulsar. HOLY SHIT. This toothbrush has a head that's split in half! Some of the bristles have like... these rubber plaque attackers or something. I don't even know what's going on! All I know, is that if i can have 0 cavities now, and that's without the Oral-B Pulsar, if I got the puslar, I think I could probably have negative 4 cavities! Or maybe it would get rid of this nagging rash I keep getting. A toothbrush with more features than a fucking BMW has to be so good it's proactive at preventing all kinds of crazy ass diseases.
At least, that makes sense on paper right?
Today I'm watching: Plaque to the Future |
| My toothbrush is so good I catch gingivitis on purpose, just to mock it and get rid of it. |