ReaL THuGz! I love the internet!!!

ReaL THuGz! I love the internet!!!The following is a 100% true and accurate account of a ReaL THuG on the streets of [your suburbia]. I apologize for the profanity. It’s merely a reflection of the tru street lyfe theez hardcore dudes live.

Enjoy.

Yeeeeaah. Yeeeeaah.

I’m a thug! Thizzz face, thizzz face.

You know you breezies want it. Damn I look good in FUBU. For Us By who? Whatever. For Us By thUgz. That’s me. Check out my fancy thug hat. I bought it at Hat Xchange at the Galleria. The homeless need to quit bitin’ my style. I’ll kill a homeless. Somebody test me! Fuckin’ wino muthafuckas.

Damn, pink looks good on real thugz.

Yeeeeaah. Take my picture with my brand new HP digital camera. I paid less than retail. I had a gift card. What?! Thug! Reggie, Ernie. Oh, shit, I mean E-tabz and Reg-eezyniggaluv. Get up in this biatch! Hey, we don’t spend too much time together, right? Do you guys have dates yet for the dance? Damn, me either.

Yeeeeaah. Watch this; I’m gonna flip off the camera. HAHA. Damn I’m funny. Ain’t no one thought of that. Hey, unknown viewer of this picture, FUCK … uh … FUCK SOMETHING!

Hold on Chelsea; don’t take our thug picture yet. My flip phone is ringing.

Wassup slut! Oh … damn Mom, why you gotta be hatin’. No, I’m not done with the Accord yet. Damn, I don’t care if I’m over the minutes on our family plan. I’m a thug! I know; don’t block in Dad’s Prius. Hey, did you get my prescriptions for me? Cool. Thanks. Latez! Biaaatch! HAHA. Now everyone knows I called my mom a biatch at the end there.

Ok Chelsea. We ready. Wait, check thizz out. I’ma throw up a hand sign for my thug family name. Vandercleet, bitches! Yeeeahh. Rememba the name!

Damn, where’s my Medic Alert bracelet? That shit ain’t listed on my HMO card.

Shit, why these dudes tryin’ to roll up on Vandercleet. Shit, I’m bout to throw down once I can get my arms free from this 3X Phat Farm sweater. What?! What, nigga?! I represent myself that’s who. Fuck ya’ll fake ass gangstas. Where did I put that pepper spray Dad gave me? You’re gonna be fucked and peppered up!

What?! What? Oh ... oh damn. Ouch! Hey, Reggie, help me out, man! Why are you getting back into your Xterra?! Oh shit, my teeth! Will my full dental coverage be able to save me? Where are the cops?! We need law enforcement! Oh damn! Ouch! I think I broke a rib falling down. Oh! Oh damn! Nah ... my wallet … That’s a Coach original! I have emergency numbers in there!

Why can’t I defend myself? [Ed. note: because you’re a total pussy.] Can you ghetto peeps stop whoopin’ the shit outta me? Oh shit, I think I see a gun. A REAL GUN! I carry the one I stole from my Dad with no bullets cuz that shit is dangerous. Why are these guys so reckless?

Oh … someone just kicked me in my perineum. Really hard. Twice. I want to go home and to the bathroom. I just did the latter. Both kinds. Good thing there’s so much space in these pants Mom bought me. I think I’m blacking out. [Ed. note: finally, your dream is realized!]

I’m going into a euphoric state. Damn, I just wish I was playing Peanut League Baseball with the Teddy and Bret and the whole gang. Oh … my Dunks … Aunt Samantha gave me those.

I think my nose is broken. My nose! Someone help! I need a towel and an ambulance. My suburban tears provide me no comfort.

Now let’s take a look at some “ReaL THuGz" who fit this description. Prepare for a shockfest of violence and antisocial behavior! I’d like to thank everyone who took the step of tilting their chin up all thug-like. It will make it easier for me to coldcock you in your homegrown face.
Without further adieu ...


ReaL THuGz !

Oh snap!

Loving friends!

Living feminine products

Happily shared a hotel room

Word!

MLK rolls over in grave

Thanks, douchebags!