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Being the incredibly (possibly too) caring person that I am...

by Paul Jan 27, 2006 10:22
I've noticed an increase in chronic debilitating conditions among the American public of late. When I was a kid, like one kid in the entire school had an inhaler; and that was because he didn't have any lungs. That's right, only gills. His name was Gill too, coincidentally. These days however, I swear every second or third person I talk to is either diabetic, or has a "mild" case of asthma.

For a while I was thinking "Wow, maybe our global warming and various methods of fucking up the planet is starting to catch up with everyone and we're all catching a case of bad karma." But then I thought, "How come I'm not Type A diabetic with a mild case of the asthma?" I am starting to feel left out.

Left out of the buffet line! Are you sure it's asthma America? Even a mild case? I'm thinking it's not a mild case of asthma, but a mild case of the fat. You don't have a diabetic condition, you have a donut addiction. No offense intended to any of the legitimate sufferers of either affliction, but you too can go the H-E double hockey sticks outside and walk your lazy ass around for a while. While you're at it, stop drinking 3 redbulls and a double mocha per day, and try getting some much needed rest. Filling your fat smoker's lungs with air is tiring you out, and you need all the sleep you can get to combat the energy it takes to breath. The same energy in turn tires you out, and the cycle repeats.

I'm sorry, I'm angry. It's not your fault. Wait I'm getting a text message... yes... yes it is your fault. Now get it together porky.
I am currently listening to: MF Doom - MM Food

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