by Paul
Jan 17, 2007 10:35
|
I was having some deep thoughts as I passed a retarded driver on the way to work today. In this lady's (you're not shocked it was a woman right?) passenger seat was a beagle. Obviously not as cool as my beagle was, but nevertheless a cute dog. As I'm passing I says to myself "That's a cute dog."
I get to thinking about how common a phrase that is, and more specifically how we direct it to dog owners:
Pedestrian: Awe he's so cute!
Dog Owner: Thanks!
Thanks? What exactly are you thanking the person for? Are you the dog's parent? Are your great genes what enabled the dog to be so cute? Was it the gay bow you put on his or her neck? Perhaps this is a mystery that can never be solved.
Of course not. What you're really thanking them for is complimenting YOUR taste in dogs. Afterall, you picked the dog out right? It would be like getting a compliment on what you're wearing; you picked the clothes out.
In that case, how dare you. Don't you think that's a little cocky when you're beaming with pride over such a superficial, self-centered and conceited compliment? You've got some nerve, and I think you owe me a heartfelt apology.
No, I said HEARTFELT.
What's worse is, I get the same type of compliments about my incredible good looking car. When people say "Awesome car!", I don't say "Thanks!" I say "I know." Why? I didn't make the car awesome, people. The car would be awesome even if Bin Laden owned it. I say I know, because I know it's awesome. Yet somehow, that makes me a dick.
I disagree. Being a dick would be driving my car around the block where I live a couple extra times on my way home before I parked it. Being a dick would be following "I know..." with, "If you recognize my car is awesome, why didn't you apply the same decision process to your car?" Even then, I think I'm just asking a genuine question; but, hey everyone has an opinion right?
Think about it. For the record, if you're thinking "Well I agree with you but you're still kind of a jerk." then that makes you a jerk too because you agreed. Take it from me, being a jerk isn't half bad. |
| Come on in, the water is fine. |