Welcome to Jaded Ape - The Best Comedy Videos Ever
Awwww snaps. This is the video you've all been waiting for.
Thanks to the efforts of the following:
Deshaun Williams (chiggidy check him out at http://iamsoaddicted.com)
Despite my (Paul) extreme aversion to using the words "my" and "space" in succession without a space between them... we have setup a MySpace Page so you can all be BFF with us! Login to your MySpace and do whatever it is that it takes to like... you know... buddy up. Awesome (probably)! So without any further wasted time, peep it suckas!
Random Jaded Thought:Apr 4, 2006 10:24
There is a new bad-ass cop in town. That cop's name is a name that I don't know. I don't know because I don't watch CSI. However, I'm talking about CSI. Do you kids watch the CSI?For those of you who have been held hostage in Iraq for the past few years, allow me to fill you in. CSI stands for Crime Scene Investigators, and now has like 29 spinoff shows that are exactly the same thing except in some other city. CSI: Miami, CSI:SVU (special victims unit), CSI:BBQ, CSI: Armpit Americ ...[more
Today it was pointed out to us that Buckethead is apparently some faggy guitarist for a heavy metal band. This guy wears a KFC bucket on his head and plays a guitar. Apparently he could not afford a top hat. One of our viewers uploaded our Buckethead video to YouTube, where it was promptly assailed by misguided heavy metal fans. While the Jaded Ape Posse in no way condones our fans being outraged and going to youtube to rebuke these outlandish remarks, here is the link to the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkDfHdm-iDc anyway.
Now... I can't stress enough how little we give a crap about this. I would however like to clarify that we didn't make the video either in tribute of, nor in jest of this guitarist. This is due to the fact that he's such an awesome guitarist, that nobody in our circle has ever heard of the man.
In conclusion I am officially allowing anybody with a conscience to log on to YouTube and show those stupid fans how much our fans don't care about that guitarist, by blatantly slandering him all over an anonymous comment section of a 3rd party website on the anonymous world wide web.
-The Jaded Ape Crew Suckas.
For nobody wondering, the Jaded Ape Posse, heretofore referred to as the Japs, are alive and well. Well being a relative statement in comparison to say, Katrina victims or the entire continent of Africa. Anyway I'm getting sidetracked. The blogs are rolling out as fast as we (read: Paul) can write them. We appreciate your patience and your support (as far as you know)! We are planning to get back into high gear shortly, as soon as we're both done wasting our lives on paying the rent and other ridiculous requirements like that.
Following up the previous headline, we were alerted by a local watch-dog firm that our accounting books were to be placed under close scrutiny. After extended deliberations and four seperate second opinions, the verdict is in. We were required by law to have our asses appraised, and it turns out that our asses in fact ARE worthless. Please note this is directly contrary to our previous statement, which we hereby retract, and apologize profusely for. As part of our community service, Jaded Ape has launched an all new BLog section of the website. The Jaded Ape news team was able to reach Team Member Paul for comment:
Jaded News: So! New blog section huh?
JN: Are you Excited?
P: Are you kidding me?! Not especially, no.
JN: What do you feel this new section brings to the Jaded Ape Crew?
P: Well you know, I swore throughout my life that I would never do a blog. So now that we've launched the blog section, I feel like I've finally lived up to my claims.
JN: I'm sorry, I thought you said you would not do a blog.
P: That's correct.
JN: But now you have one?
JN: ...uh... hm. Ok.
So you heard it here first. A brand new blog section where you can tune in to read some of the things that might be going on in the minds of the members at THIS VERY MOMENT! Right now. As of this period. Now!
NEWSFLASH! - Jaded Ape Team Gets Off Their Worthless Asses
John Pens Reckless Misleading Headline!
In an unprecedented event, the Jaded Ape Team showed actual signs of life and movement.
"When observed in a group setting, we noted moderate gastrointestinal activity among all subjects," researcher Dr. Thaddaeus Baytontackle stated. "The larger-nosed individuals seemed to draw their attention towards the halibut and spaghetti we planted on their shoddy coffee table, while the mongoloid stared - eyes glazed - at a Dragonball sticker. One of the 'big noses' even appeared to move several digits between sloughing off drool with quick head shakes."
During the observation, one member managed to edit and upload an entire video segment using only crude shoulder movements and his tongue. The pittance may be viewed via the video section.
Dear Adoring Public,
The Jaded Ape Crew (available for break dancing battles err-where) is currently in development of new skits. In the interim, let me stress the following:
- Tell your friends about us.
- Tell your friends to tell their friends (assuming said friends are not the former party discussed per previous statement—ie you. You meaning "me" assuming "you" is first person, present-indicative, to begin with.)
- Comments, comments, comments. We seriously want to know what everybody thinks about each of our projects. As stated elsewhere on the site, we will continue to do what ever the F we want to, but what's freedom of speech worth if nobody is speaching their freedom? Am I right guys?
- Cheese it!
Now, with that being said, get back to downloading and spamming our videos and website to everybody you know.
We're alive. I swear. All hail easy jokes at the expense of the French!
Please consult the video section.
The goddamn site is officially open! Whereas other "comedy" and "funny clips" sites are anything but, we're hilarious.
Check out our video section for the latest: Dramatic Interpretations of Phil Collins Classics, Bucket Head, and Natura Fiber.
It is less important to consider why this site exists as it is to consider how you could possibly live without it.
The answer is, you can’t. This website and the content therein is woven into the American fabric. To deny JadedApe is to be a terrorist. Don’t you dare put a snag in our fabric! Our panty-hose are run-free, and that's the way we like it.
There is no particular rhyme or reason to what we do. If we feel like making a video about regularity, we will make a video about regularity. If we feel like a song, we’ll do a song. Everything is PG-13 at the moment. You might find TBS more offensive. Why? Because they play Friends reruns.
Make sure and read the FAQ, sign the guestbook, and send us your undying love and a portion of your paycheck.
The Jaded Ape Team